GoNatalieGo

Chuck Norris

2010-07-15T15:15:00.005-07:00

It's been a long time, but something (okay, not just something, but the egocentric need to find out which writer I emulate) has brought me back to my sad, lonely, decaying blog. And, in random cutting and pasting, I found that I was pretty good at this, and also, that it was fun! So, I am back. Probably no one will read this, but anywhoo, here's the funny story of the day.

Junior and JT were channel surfing today, and stumbled upon Walker, Texas Ranger. Walker just got attacked by tomahawk-wielding Native Americans. The boys are entranced. JT is working out a plan (during the commercials, of course) to use his Walker skills to fight the people who hurt animals (JT's other favorite show is Animal Cops on Animal Planet). And, for the most part, I admire Walker, his butt-kicking skills and his values. Except I wish he wouldn't waste time removing his boots and belt (with awesome buckle) before jumping in the lake to save the lady who was drowning. I guess even Walker has his priorities.

Also, if you're wondering...Ernest Hemingway. At least for the above post.

And I get to be Luke Skywalker!!!

2009-03-12T22:21:00.007-07:00

Someone I consider a mentor was kind of threatened in a backhanded way today. And, when she was telling me the story, she said that it was absurd - if she lost her position, she'd actually have a greater ability to work for the interest we share, because she'd be freed from the constraints of having to answer to a boss.

In the middle of the story, I started acting like a twelve year old. I was talking really fast and loud and blurted out, "It's just like when Darth Vader is getting ready to kill Obi Wan, and Obi Wan is all, 'If you strike me down, you'll only make me stronger.' And then he comes back as a ghost and trains Luke and leads him to Yoda and it's so awesome, and..." She got a confused look on her face and continued to tell her story. But I couldn't help but interupt again. "And I get to be Luke Skywalker!"

I think she thinks I am a freak.

I hope she doesn't find someone else to be Luke.

How I'm Feeling...

2009-03-02T18:46:00.002-07:00

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

A new definition of hell

2009-02-12T12:12:00.002-07:00

Being on hold.

For 9 minutes and 32 seconds.

While a muzac version

of Huey Lewis plays.

Over and over again.

And, now it's 10 minutes and 17 seconds.

That being said, I feel I must point out that I am NOT happy to be stuck with you, Huey.

11:07

Mr. Burns?

2009-01-22T18:57:00.003-07:00

The other day, I was listening to an interview with Dick Cheney, and I was surprised by the sound of his voice. I wasn't sure why, but later in the day, I realized I had expected him to sound like Mr. Burns. Then, this morning, I saw this picture, and everything had come full circle.

My favorite part of an incredible day

2009-01-20T22:24:00.002-07:00

Today was amazing. I am awestruck by the peaceful passing of power. I am hopeful that President Obama can succeed, and that America can be a light in a darkening world.

The Quaker hymn "Simple Gifts" has always been a favorite, and this rendition today was breathtaking. Enjoy!

Yo-Yo Ma, Itzhak Perlman, Anthony McGill & Gabriela Montero at the Obama Inauguration

Clash of the Titans

2008-12-09T17:33:00.007-07:00

Alternate title: What was the UEA thinking?

So, my husband and I are Disneyland Aficionados. We love the place. We got married in 1993, and have been to Disneyland in 1996, 1998, 2001, 2003, 2005, and twice in 2007. So, I was getting ready to plan our next trip. One monkey wrench - we now have a junior high school student. And, he's learning responsibility. But he cannot miss school. If he even goes to the bathroom during class, he ends up with missing work. So, we decided that we would go to Disneyland in October 2009 during the fall break (which the legislature has forbidden us to call UEA, but we all still do, anyway. So there, legislature).

Problem? UEA has scheduled their convention for October 1st & 2nd. The GLBT community has scheduled "Unofficial Gay Days at Disneyland" for October 3rd & 4th. This post is not about me being too uptight to go to Disneyland with members of the GLBT community (although I have heard a story about Bubbles and the Hippo has caused me to be concerned). This post is about me not wanting to go to Disneyland with 30,000 extra people there, regardless of their sexual orientation. So, we're either going to stay home, go to San Diego, or start supporting that other teachers organization in Utah . Sorry, Kimi and Mark.

Puppies!

2008-11-16T13:48:00.002-07:00

I can't get enough of the puppycam. I read about it yesterday on MSNBC, and since then, I have been checking the puppies 3 or 4 times a day. Me and 22,454 other people. It's almost enough to make me want a puppy!

A funny thing...

2008-09-15T09:38:00.002-07:00

This year, to help Junior survive 7th grade and the pre-competition swim team he swims with for an hour a day, we've implemented a no TV, no videogames Monday thru Thursday rule. I can't believe how much quieter our house is. It is still rare that we have a day where homework, reading, piano practice and chores all get done, but at least it's quieter. And I don't really miss Zack, Cody, Drake, Josh or Hannah (but I do kind of miss Carly and Spencer).

So, to fill all his free time, Junior has designed a webpage. I think he started it to try and convince us to let him buy Super Smash Bros Brawl (rated T for Teen). But, it is actually pretty funny. And, he has been checking his sitemeter pretty regularly. So, if you have a minute, check it out. Post something on his empty blog. Try and figure out what is wrong with that cat. And, if you are a Super Smash Bros Brawl fan, enjoy that, too.

You can find it here.

Four Hamsters and a Gerbil

2008-09-04T10:28:00.007-07:00

My boy, JT, really loves animals. He wants a dog so badly that it may be stunting his growth. I love my backyard too much to ever consent. Because poop is gross. Really.

So, three or four years ago, we took JT to the Petsmart and bought him a hamster. It was a beautiful, brown teddy bear hamster. We also bought the awesome Crittertrail cage. (Note: For the love of all that is good, do NOT buy this cage. You will spend hours scrubbing hamster pee out of those tubes. You will end up resenting the hamster, and that is really not a good use of energy.)

We brought the hamster home, and he climbed up into his little hamster-cage loft, and fell asleep. We, creatively, named him Sleepy.

Turns out we should have named him Dying. Because he wasn't really sleeping. He was in a coma. And, then he died. JT was really sad, but we comforted him by reminding him of the Plan of Salvation. Sleepy the hamster is now with Great-Grandma Edna in the Spirit World. (And, if you're reading this, Grandma, I am really sorry. I can't imagine that you really like hamsters. But, you do like JT, so thanks!)

We put Sleepy's dead body in an old check box and took it back to Petsmart. (True story: the next time I got a box of checks in the mail, Little Miss was sure they were mailing the hamster back to us.) They let us pick out a new hamster. We named him Sleepy II, because we're all about the creativity at our house.

Sleepy II was a little bit of a biter (but only if you tried to hold him after eating a grilled cheese sandwich or goldfish crackers). We liked him. Mostly because he was alive.

Sleepy II lived a good, long (well, two years - so long for hamsters) life. He slowed down, stopped running on his wheel all night, got so fat that he could no longer fit through the hole that led to his little house, and then died peacefully in his sleep.

After a few weeks, we went to PetCo, because a new one opened up in our neighborhood. We bought Princess, a cute little brown dwarf hamster. She was cute and fun. And, last month while we were at the family reunion at Bear Lake, Princess curled up in her little TV and died.

We took JT back to Petco, and bought him a gerbil. We named him Scamper, because he loved to run around his cage really fast. We should have named him Anti-Social. Or Chewy. Or Satan.

We should not have bought a gerbil. In my experience, gerbils don't really like people. Mostly, they like like running really fast like they are crazy, hiding in their house, and chewing. This hiding in the house thing got harder for Scamper, because he ate huge parts of his house. Running on his wheel got harder for him, too, because when he wasn't running on it, he was eating it. By the end of his week at our house, that wheel was no longer structurally sound, because he had eaten many of the rungs and some of the spokes. This behavior concerned us, greatly.

We put him back in his little cardboard box and took him back to the store. We explained that he wasn't really a good fit for us, because he didn't actually like people, he chewed everything in sight, and we thought that, maybe, he was possessed. They were really nice, and said, "Hey. It sounds like you want a hamster."

So, this is a big welcoming shout out to Blackie, our new Fancy Hamster. We're glad to have you. Try not to eat your new house. Or your new wheel.

In which I get a pet tiger, larry, who is purple

2008-06-27T17:08:00.002-07:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

I could not resist. He was so cute. And he will not poop on the lawn, so hooray for larry.

The Tale of the Snipper

2008-06-11T18:18:00.006-07:00

While I was a student at BYU in the late '80s and early '90s, there was a crime spree. A serial scissors-wielder would silently accost sleeping co-eds in the Harold B. Lee library. The young women would wake up after a much needed power-nap to resume studying to find that their clothes had been cut in revealing places. The Daily Universe was full of reports, theories and warnings.

There's nothing funny about that.

But, there was another student newspaper. It was an off-campus paper called the Student Review. And, it talked about all kinds of things that were happening at BYU that the Daily Universe avoided. It also was wildly satirical at times. And, it claimed to have discovered the identity of the perpetrator.

His name? Snipper Blake. Evil twin of BYUSA President Brett Blake. And they even had pictures. He sure looked a lot like Brett Blake. Except his eyes were wild, his hair wasn't combed as neatly, and he had a really big pair of scissors. I thought this was hilarious. I often think about Snipper. I love to tell this story. My husband and I were talking about Snipper the other day.

And, now, the story has come full circle. Snipper's not-as-evil twin posted on my education blog earlier this week. But he was really mean. He flamed my friend Becky, who is running for the state House of Representatives. And I wondered...Maybe Snipper was the good twin, and he was just misunderstood.

Poor Snipper. We hardly knew you.

Working for the common good

2008-05-31T21:04:00.004-07:00

I know, it's been a long time. Yes, the new house is great. The kids are fine. Colon still doing well (I assume - haven't seen any pictures of it since last July).

I just thought I would pass on this story, so you all could follow in my footsteps and work to fight check fraud.

A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to spend some time at BYU. I met Shannon Hale, and even though I was sure we'd be best friends (mostly because her dad was my obstetrician), she ended up really loving daltongirl. Who can blame her, really? That actually became a theme of the week. People were constantly telling me that they like me almost as much as they like daltongirl. I'm number 2!!! Yeah!

I got distracted - sorry. So, alisonwonderland and I were in the BYU Bookstore because I needed a pair of socks. Yeah, I packed in a hurry. So, the girl in front of us in line was writing a check. She seemed a little sketchy. I mean, who writes checks these days? Have you seen the Visa commercials? If you write a check, everyone in line is going to hate you. But, anywhoo, the cashier asked for ID, and the girl claimed she didn't have any. Really? Then the cashier said she couldn't take the check if the phone number on the check wasn't correct. And, it wasn't. The girl went on to provide a phone number. And, being the responsible citizen I am, I decided that I needed to see if this really was this girl's number. I discretely pulled out my phone, and I typed in the number as she gave it to the cashier. Originally, I had concerns. I don't know where the 303 area code is, but I've never heard of it before. Finally, as she is finishing giving the number to the cashier, her phone starts to ring. I quickly hang up, relieved that she isn't trying to pull a fast one on the Lord's bookstore. And, then I realize she is pushing the call back button. I used my lightning fast speed to silence my phone. 'Cause that would have been embarrassing. Way more embarrassing than admitting to you that I sometimes torment college freshmen for my own amusement.

So, what I learned is that either the sketchy girl did not steal her roommate's checks to buy cute shoes at the BYU Bookstore, or that she stole her roommate's checks and phone. Who knows - maybe the roommate is in a freezer somewhere? But, I did my best to prevent check fraud. And, that's all that matters.

Colonoscopy - a song

2007-08-02T13:18:00.000-07:00

click here for the tune

Colonoscopy, I had one last month.
A colonoscopy.
And the reason why I had one last month?
My family history.
I drank 'bowel prep,' I went to the doc,
Fell asleep. They prodded me.
And the result? It is good news.
My colon's polyp free.

Come on, Charlie...

2007-07-19T17:13:00.000-07:00

We're going to Garbage Mountain, Charlie.

Click here for the real adventure of Charlie the Unicorn.

My sister

2007-06-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

I have a sister. She is 10 years older than I am. When we were younger, we shared a bedroom. I was not a good roommate. I wrote mean things about her on the wallpaper (perfectly chosen to match Marcia Brady's wallpaper) with a permanent marker. I constantly unplugged her 8-track tape player when it was not in use because I thought the little green power light used too much energy. I insisted that my parents buy me an orange beanbag chair, and made the hideous beast of a beanbag the focal point of my side of the room. It was not a good situation, but she lovingly made the best of it.

Or, so I thought. Really, she was just biding her time.

And, then she got even.

In the fall of 1989, I was moving into the dorms at BYU (Helaman Halls). My sister was a mother of two children, living in Salt Lake City while her husband finished medical school at the University of Utah. She brought her little ones down to welcome me, and help me move in. One of my new neighbors in the dorms saw the beautiful, blond haired, big-eyed babies and asked (rather stupidly, I think), "Aw, cute! Who's kids are these?" My sister swiftly and convincingly replied, "They're Natalie's. I am raising them for her while she goes to college."

Fast forward almost 18 years. The older of those beautiful babies is now a BYU student himself, getting ready for his mission. And the younger of the two (here's a shout-out to Courtney, a new reader of the blog, and who in latin is a neptia fabulosus) will be entering the dorms in the fall. On scholarship, none the less.

Little Miss and I are already practicing. "Mommy, I'll miss you while you are in college. Don't do drugs."

Fun Times in Calculus Class

2007-06-06T10:40:00.000-07:00

Comments on a previous post led to me reminiscing about my college days, a calculus class in particular. I got a C-. Barely.

When asked to name a most embarrassing moment, the final of that class comes to mind. It was in the testing center, and was multiple choice.

I scored 15%.

So, if I would have guessed, odds are that I would get 25%. By actually trying to do the problems, I did worse than if I would have guessed.

Life lesson: Calculus is something you cannot fake.

My future grandchildren...

2007-06-04T10:02:00.001-07:00

Little Miss recently informed me that when she grows up and marries, she will have four children. Their names will be Bob, Rosie, Pinkie and Junior.

She pointed out that Pinkie is after the color, not the little finger.

Also, she said that she will pick the names for the older two, and that she would let her husband name the younger two. As long as he names them Pinkie and Junior.

I like the way she thinks.

Friday's Feast on Saturday

2007-05-05T16:10:00.000-07:00

I told DaltonGirl (who doesn't capitalize her name, but I do. Sorry - that's pretty presumptuous of me) that I was going to post once a week. And, nothing exciting or funny has happened to me this week. So, I went to AlisonWonderland's blog, and saw this. I hope it's entertaining. It's probably not. Sorry

Friday's Feast

Appetizer
Name something you would not want to own.
I never want to own a video gaming system that hooks up to the TV. My boys have GameBoys and a Nintendo DS, but, so far we've avoided an X-Box or a PlayStation. I think when we move into our new house, we'll get a wii, but the kids already know they will only be able to play it Fridays and Saturdays.

Why am I so opposed? I don't like the noise. I think they are addictive. I think that in many cases, they promote anti-social behavior. And, I think there is a lot of trash out there that parents don't understand (like those games where players get extra points for beating up the prostitute so they don't have to pay her for her services.)

Soup
Describe your hair (texture, color, length, etc.).

Long. Thin. Natural Blond. Long layers. Bangs. Some days it looks great, but many days it's in a ponytail or a clip.

Salad
Finish this sentence: I’ll never forget ___________.

I actually have a really bad memory. I can't think of what I'll never forget. Prom? My wedding day? Baby Junior... Okay, that's it. The one memory I have that isn't enhanced by photographs is my first day home with Baby Junior. I was totally psychotic. My mom was on a mission, so my mother-in-law came to help. I had read that you couldn't give the baby a bottle or he wouldn't nurse, and my milk hadn't come in and the baby cried all night long. I was so worried that my husband or my MIL would give him a bottle of sugar-water, so I took the baby into the laundry room (we had a tiny basement apartment) and cried and sang primary songs to him while baby Junior screamed all night long. There is actually a moral of the story. Everything turned out okay. Things that seem like a big deal at the time - not so much of a big deal in hindsight.

Main Course
Which famous person would you like to be for one day? Why?

I am actually pretty happy being me. So, maybe I'd chose to be a more fabulous me. Like 20 pounds lighter with a great outfit and no stress. And, perfect hair. And not-crooked eyebrows. But, I think that might get boring. So, maybe one day would be enough.

Dessert
Write one sentence about yourself that includes one thing that is true and another thing that is not.

I never swear but I lie all the time. Actually, both of those things are half-truths. I have been known to swear (little ones) usually because it's funny or because I'm frustrated. And, I do lie, but only sometimes, and not the big ones. Let me try again...

I can't speak any foreign languages and I am bad at math.

So. There. That's all I've got for now.

Words to live by...

2007-04-29T17:03:00.000-07:00

Occasionally in my role as a mother, I give my children instruction and guidance that I feel I should share. Then, as we incoroprate these pearls of wisdom into our lives, all of us can be enlightened and, hopefully, more successful in all areas of life.

Today was such a moment.

"Don't call your brother weiner-baby."

There. Go and do.

Viva Las Vegas

2007-04-23T20:26:00.000-07:00

My family spent the weekend in Vegas.

My brother who lives in Vegas was diagnosed with colon cancer late last year. He started chemo three weeks after Christmas. It has been a difficult time for him and for his family (a beautiful wife that we all adore, five sons ranging in age from on-a-mission to second-grade, and a surprise little girl who is 18 months).

A wise Heavenly Father knew that they all needed a diversion.

Someone in my brother's stake decided to produce a stake-wide production of 'Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.' This is especially delightful because Joseph is my family's musical. My oldest brother's junior high school band played the music to Joseph in the early '70s, and my mom was intrigued. She ordered an 8-track of the original London cast, and we all fell in love. I have known all the words to every song in that musical since I could speak. And, the best part is that I know them with a British accent. I have seen Joseph 5 times - from Spanish Fork High School in 1990 (I went twice) to a Draper City production when I was a newlywed (the best Joseph I've seen. Sorry, DO) to Donny Osmond (and I even had backstage passes. Yes, he's nice.)

So, my brother and his son tried out for Joseph. My nephew was cast as Benjamin, and my brother was cast as the Pharaoh. We were thrilled to go. In addition to my little family, my mom, my sister and her family, and 3 of my brothers and their families all made the trip. We stayed in the same hotel, swam in the pool, ate good food, and then went to see the play.

It was well done. The costumes and scenery looked great. Some people were more talented than others, but everyone was having fun. And the best part was my brother. He was incredible. His Elvis wig hid his patchy hair, he hit every note perfectly, and he danced, too! It was amazing! I bet nobody could tell that he's lost 40 pounds in the last three months. Nobody could tell that he wasn't healthy and vibrant, that he's been pumped full of drugs that almost kill him to kill the disease he has. He stole the show.

It was a miracle in glittery blue high-tops and a sparkly jumpsuit/loincloth.

And, we're all thankful for the diversion. I think it will help him, them, all of us keep going for three more rounds of chemo. It was the tenderest of mercies.

Charlton Heston is My President

2007-04-10T07:45:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend, we were switching through the channels and found

Planet of the Apes

on The History Channel.

Now, that's what I call revisionist history.

100 books

2007-02-28T21:16:00.000-07:00

Look at the list of books below.

The ones I’ve read are in bold.

The ones I own are marked with an *

The ones I've never heard of are marked with a ???

The ones I want to read are in italics.

For those I tried to read but couldn't finish, I reduced the font size.

I've left alone the ones that I'm not interested in.

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice* (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird* (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King* (J.R.R. Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring* (J.R.R. Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers* (J.R.R. Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables* (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon) ?
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry) ?
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire* (J.K. Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix* (J.K. Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha* (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone* (J.K. Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald) ?
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban* (J.K. Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre* (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit* (J.R.R. Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women* (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi* (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights* (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe* (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden* (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. 1984 (George Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent* (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist* (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner* (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella) ?
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible* (I've only read parts 'n' pieces)
46. Anna Karenina (Leo Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo* (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath* (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities* (Charles Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game* (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Charles Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby* (Scott Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence) ?
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets* (J.K. Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife* (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolsoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davies) ?
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants* (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables* (Victor Hugo)
70. The Little Prince* (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Helen Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
73. Shogun* (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay) ?
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence) ?
80. Charlotte’s Web* (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley) ?
82. Of Mice And Men* (John Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind) ?
85. Emma* (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World* (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields) ?
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago) ?
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In the Skin of a Lion (Michael Ondaatje) ?
92. Lord of the Flies* (William Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees* (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

Thanks, Alisonwonderland, for the great idea.

Hey! His investigation of my behavior is continuing!

2006-12-04T13:27:00.000-07:00

I am sorry - I took November off, mostly because I am lazy, but partly because I am under investigation.

Yes, I am under investigation. A cloud of suspicion has followed me for over a month. It's just like that time they thought I was the Uni-bomber.

So, here's the story...

Being the psychotic political addict I am, I volunteered to work on the re-election campaign of my local representative to the State School Board. He is a great guy, and I think he's done a lot to strengthen our schools and he has always been kind to me, and listened to my thoughts on education. It was mostly a no-brainer that I would support this guy - the only reason I might not have was that his opponent was my sister's brother-in-law. Yeah, I realized that this might get messy, but really, I had no idea.

So, I jumped right in. I hosted a meeting for the incumbent, organized flyer drops, and helped gather endorsements. The whole time, my sister, whom I usually agree with, told me that her brother-in-law had some really good ideas, and that I should just give him a chance. I was invited to a neighborhood meeting, and went. While there, I was impressed by how smart he was, but I was really turned off by some of his ideas. I left the meeting realizing that the incumbent was really the best candidate, so I worked even harder.

As the election got closer, my friends and I realized that only a few of us had heard the challenger discuss one really disturbing idea - when anyone else asked, he skirted the issue. So, I wrote a letter to the editor, detailing what the challenger and I had discussed. It was published in two local papers.

The night of the election, I had parent-teacher conferences and a city planning-commission meeting. The school board election was a pretty hot topic. When I got home, a friend from the school had forwarded two emails he'd received the day before from the challenger, accusing the incumbent of trying to steal the election. In part, the challenger wrote:

(The Challenger) IS INVESTIGATING A NUMBER OF REPORTS OF IMPROPER CAMPAIGN PRACTICES BY THE (Incumbent's) CAMPAIGN INCLUDING REPORTS OF DIRTY TRICKS AND DECEPTIVE PRACTICES. PLEASE REVIEW THE INFORMATION BELOW. IF YOU HAVE KNOWLEDGE OF SUCH ACTS PLEASE SEND IT DIRECTLY TO (The Challenger at his email address).

Please send me the names and addresses of any person involved in what appear to be organized attempts to tamper with this state election. THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST IN PROTECTING THE INTEGRITY OF UTAH ELECTIONS. As we predicted, a number of last minute election tricks are apparently afoot. We are working to expose these tactics one by one.

MY INVESTIGATION IS CONTINUING OF SEVERAL APPARENTLY FALSE AND DECEPTIVE TRICKS REPORTEDLY BEING USED TO SUBVERT THE ELECTION PROCESS.

WERE YOU DECEIVED BY FALSE CLAIMS OF CONVERSATIONS WITH (The Challenger)? In the past week, several individuals have falsely claimed to have had personal onversations with me or grossly misreported and distorted my views. I certainly hope no Utah voter is gullible enough to fall for such political tricks. My positions are quite public and well known and well documented on my website. Please send me the names and addresses of any person claiming such bogus personal conversations or grossly distorting conversations with me as I am investigating what appear to be organized attempts to tamper with this state election.

PLEASE SEND WHAT INFORMATION YOU MAY HAVE, IF ANY, ON THESE OR SIMILAR REPORTED PRACTICES OR DIRTY TRICKS. WHATEVER THE RESULT OF THE ELECTION TOMORROW, MY INVESTIGATION OF (The Incumbent's) CAMPAIGN PRACTICES WILL CONTINUE.

WHEN WILL UTAH TIRE OF BEING DECEIVED BY THESE PEOPLE? ISN'T IT TIME FOR CHANGE? WILL THIS ELECTION BE STOLEN BY SUCH METHODS?

So, I was definitely thinking "WHOA! Desperate Campaign Ploy. Sour Grapes!" But, then, while cleaning out my junk email folder, I found this:

My Investigation Of Your Behavior is Continuing
Nov. 4, 2006

Ms. NatGo,

I am gravely concerned that you apparently published a letter in the (Local Rag) containing false, deceptive, and misleading material. It is my opinion that you apparently distorted a global, abstract academic discussion about the legal parameters of (my big crazy idea that is so offensive to everyone that I refuse to speak of it publicly) on which I expressed NO OPINION REGARDING IMPLEMENTATION IN UTAH WHATSOEVER and fabricated it into a radical, irrational political statement. In sum, I find your behavior dishonest and offensive.
I expect a written apology from you within 24 hours. My investigation of your behavior is continuing.

Sincerely, The Challenger, who has a lot of letters after his name.

Although it is dated November 4th, he emailed it at 9:40 PM on November 5th. It's a good thing I didn't want to apologize to him within his 24 hour deadline, as it would have been nearly impossible.

In my defense, my letter to the editor contained direct quotes from the candidate. There was no distortion. Also, I'm not sure that meet-the-candidate nights are the best place for abstract academic discussions, especially in answer to the question, "What's your opinion on the big, crazy, offensive idea?" But whatever. The best part of this is that the day before the election, I received a postcard from the Support of the Big Crazy Idea Political Action Committee, letting me know that they support the challenger because of his position on the big, crazy, offensive idea. Yeah, nice, huh?

So, the election went off without a hitch. The incumbent won, beating the angry challenger 62% - 38%, despite being outspent by (my estimate) 450%. I have yet to hear how the investigation of my behavior is going. Part of me is tempted to email him and let him know all the people I talked to about him, and to remind him that my letter to the editor was published in BOTH local rags. I have two attorneys (only one of whom I am married to) who are willing to represent me.

SO, what would you do?

Funny Story

2006-10-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

When you title something "Funny Story," people are going to expect it to be really funny. This should probably be titled, "Strange Occurrence." But, it's not all supernatural or anything. Just "Something Weird That Happened."

My husband found a bong in our backyard today. We asked the kids about it. They said it's been there for about a week, and they don't know how it got there. We didn't know what to do about it, because my smart lawyer husband didn't want us to be in possession of drug paraphernalia, because it's a Class B Misdemeanor, so we put it (away from the kids) in the shed and called the local police to come pick it up. I giggled the whole time the officer was here. He was very nice. He told me that, no, that wasn't dirt in it, but residue of the pot, and then he told us how you use a bong. Very insightful. Apparently, the water in the bong cools the marajuana smoke before you inhale it. Convenient.

It's like continuing education here every day.

Happy Halloween from The Weather Troll

2006-10-27T11:54:00.000-07:00

And Friends

So, here's The Weather Troll and some of his friends, hanging on my porch, next to my home grown produce.

So, guess what The Weather Troll is going to be for Halloween.

Yummy, yummy.

2006-10-27T08:50:00.000-07:00

Here is a recipe. It is yummy.

Peanut Butter Scotcheroos
(Scotcheroos is a fun word. I don't drink,but if I did, I'd slide up to the bar, and when the bartender asked me what I wanted, I'd say, "Give me a Scotcheroo, Barkeep!" And all the people at the bar would laugh and laugh and want to be my friend, mostly because they'd be super drunk, but partly because I am so clever! Scotcheroo! Hahaha!)

1 cup corn syrup
1 cup sugar

In large saucepan (and I mean large - like a jumbo/large saucepan) cook corn syrup and sugar over medium heat, stirring frequently (so, this would not be a good time to check your 5th grader's math homework, or to give your 2nd grader a practice spelling test. And I promise, I said 'club' not 'glove,' so THERE, 2nd grader. Clean out your ears!), until mixture begins to boil. Remove from heat. And don't put anything, like the lid to the sugar canister, on the burner, because it's still HOT. Duh.

Stir in

1 cup peanut butter

but don't buy that reduced fat peanut butter, because they take out a little of the fat (which is one of the better fats, I think - it's getting hard to keep track) and replace it with sugar. And sugar is bad. Except for the sugar and corn syrup mentioned above, which should be boiling in your jumbo/large saucepan right now.

Then stir in

6 cups of Rice Krispies

I have two theories about the Rice Krispies. 1) Buy the big bag of malt-o-meal fake Rice Krispies, because they are way cheaper. 2) Why do you need all those Rice Krispies? No one really eats them, because they're only good if they are covered in marshmallows and butter OR corn syrup, sugar, and peanut butter, and then covered with ***SPOILER ALERT*** melted chocolate and butterscotch chips. So you'll have to decide this for yourself. Good luck.

Press in greased 9" x 13" pan.

In your microwave, melt

1 cup butterscotch chips
1 cup chocolate chips

stirring every 30 seconds until smooth. Spread over cereal mixture. Decorate with candy corn and those yummy candy pumpkins cut in half. Then pretend that you are going to eventually give them to your neighbors to wish them a happy Halloween, but really eat them secretly while you watch season 2 of The Office on DVD.

Happy Halloween!

What a week!

2006-09-26T22:25:00.000-07:00

It is a late night, and I feel so fortunate. This is my favorite time of year - I love fall. Football. Apples. Those little candy pumpkins. Getting to wear sweaters. Back to school.

When Tom Hanks talks about the smell of new pencils in 'You've Got Mail,' I can totally relate.

Allow me to share some of my joys:

We got a note from Junior's 5th grade teacher - she loves him, and he is doing exceptionally well, both academically and behaviorally. Considering the struggles we had last year, we are thrilled. My husband wants to copy the note, take it to the principal, and show her what a teacher that respects her students is capable of. I'm pretty sure she already knows.

Trey is reading at grade level, which is a miracle. He didn't talk forever, and then he was completely unintelligible. Now, most people can understand everything he says. He used to hate to read, until he found 'The Magic Treehouse.' We read a chapter a night, alternating pages. It's fun to snuggle with him and see his face light up when things get really interesting. And, man, does that kid love math! It is so fun to watch him do his homework. He and I have had some extra time together this week - he is so much fun, and has such a big heart.

Little Miss is a beautiful bundle of joy and energy - she is like a barrel of monkeys. Someone more apt to swear would call her hell on wheels. What do you expect from my daughter. I am madly in love with her beauty and brilliance. She regularly blows me away. She was a cyclone in gymnastics yesterday. I love being home with her. We are having so much fun together.

I am actually enjoying the cub scouts - which is good, because Trey turns 8 next week, and I'm pretty sure I'll get to be his den mother the whole time, just like I was for Junior. I should have had my kids closer together!

My husband and I are planning a trip to Cape Cod to enjoy the fall there. I've been to Boston (loved it!), but never the cape, and I can't wait.

There was a beautiful sunset tonight. We got to watch it as the soccer game was winding down.

Overall, life is great.
I am thankful for a wonderful family and good friends (real, cyber, and both).
I am grateful for a passion that I get to advocate for. Sometimes I am less than articulate, but I am learning new things and making a difference. And I am volunteering with some of the most amazing people I know.
I'm grateful that I started this blog. I was reading some of my previous posts recently, and your responses. It is fun to remember, and I am having so much fun!

Thanks!

Why I am not allowed to take Percoset

2006-09-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

Here is the long awaited tale of woe.

Ten-and-a-half years ago, my Husband was in Law School. We were living in an expensive-but-nice basement apartment in Sugarhouse. We were also expecting our first child. Our friends were done with school, and had purchased a home. We had dibs on their inexpensive-but-nice apartment right off of Foothill Drive. We moved in two weeks before the baby was born.

Junior was a beautiful baby - he was chubby and rosey and loveable. For a while, I thought he had red hair - it turns out his head was just really red.

When he was a few days old, my family came to visit - it was also the first time they'd seen our new apartment. I was feeling well. My labor was pretty easy, and, except for a few stitches from an episiotomy, I wasn't that sore. (Attention TMI Police: If you are offended, I'm not that sorry. People have babies - it gets messy - get over it). My doctor had prescribed Percoset for the soreness.

My brother, Stuart, thought Junior was okay, but was really impressed by our new apartment. It had a big kitchen/dining room/living room with a mirrored wall. It was a walkout basement, and we had our own little backyard. And, it included a microwave oven. This wasn't just any microwave oven - it was ginormous - you could probably defrost a turkey in there. It must have been one of the first microwaves off of the assembly line. It was a classic. Stuart was amazed. "You could fit the baby in there!"

I replied, "Yes. I could. I will have to take this sleeper off first - it has metal buttons."

After that, it was decided that I should try ibuprofen to manage my discomfort, and that, in the best interest of all involved, the baby and I should be closely monitored for a while.

And THAT is why I am not allowed to take Percoset.

I got a bad disease...

2006-09-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

Okay - it's not me. It's DaltonGirl. She's got Candyassitis. I told her I'd let you all know. Keep her in your prayers. Also, she's a little delirious - don't believe a word she says about The Weather Troll.

Travels with The Weather Troll

2006-09-08T08:56:00.000-07:00

The Weather Troll went to a soccer game this week with his kids, The Weather Trollkins. This Weather Trollkin wanted to play soccer, but he forgot his shinguards. BTW, The Blue Strikers won 13-1, bouyed by great defensive play by my boy, Trey.

Introducing...

2006-09-04T12:11:00.000-07:00

The Weather Troll.

I hope he helps you plan your day according to the current weather conditions.

In my opinion, he leaves that Weather Pixie in the dust.

Can you tell me where the little children are?

2006-09-04T09:11:00.000-07:00

On her blog, Cicada talks about her kindness to a door to door salesmen, an ex-con who can't get a job and has to try and make a living by selling magazines door to door. I replied, mentioning an experience I had recently.

I had an educational-book-seller come to my door last week. He said he was from Ukraine (they don't call it THE Ukraine in the Ukraine). I guess his limited understanding of the English language explains why he ignored the beautiful homemade "no soliciting" sign. He apparently doesn't understand time, either, because he said it would only take two minutes, and it took twenty. I did not buy the books, but I listened to his whole speil. I can't say that listening makes me a good person, because after a few minutes, I kept picturing his head exploding. It's a good thing for him that I've lost my magic powers.

I was talking about this with my adorable neighbor and babysitter to my children, Lynsey, who started laughing uncontrollably. Then, my kids started saying (in a really bad accent) "Can you tell me where the little children are?" Here's...the rest of the story.

Cute/Crazy Julie lives a couple of streets away from me and Lynsey. About the same time the salesman came to my house, Julie was home alone. She had just had oral surgery or something, and was hopped up on goofballs (I mean she was taking the prescribed dose of Percoset). She heard a knock on her door, and assumed that it was her friend, coming to comfort her. It was none other than our Ukrainian book salesman. Julie answered the door, looking pretty stoned. After a minute, he asked her if she was home alone. She said yes (HELLO! STRANGER DANGER, ANYONE?). He then asked if there were any children at her home. She said no, that she was the youngest. Then he asked the infamous question. "Can you tell me where the little children are?" She pointed out the houses on the street where small children live, and went back to bed. Thankfully, he was just a Ukrainian bookseller (I don't mean he sells Ukrainian books. I mean he is a bookseller of Ukrainian descent) with a poor understanding of social mores. Also, Julie should never be allowed to answer the door again. And, finally, 'social mores' should be abbreviated s'mores.

And I am reminded of another fun story (that also involves veiled threats to innocent children): Why I Am Not Allowed to Take Percoset. That'll be my next post. Stay tuned.

Hey! Look at Me!!!

2006-08-17T14:37:00.000-07:00

I just left a rude post on DaltonGirl's blog about how she needs to post something new, and then I realized that I haven't posted in a long time. I don't have anything very intelligent or funny to say, but I have made a list of funny things that have happened around here lately. It turns out they aren't that funny. My life is pretty boring. I apologize in advance.

Junior and I were talking about his strengths, and how they may differ from those of his brother, Trey. Junior says, "Trey is really good at math and running. I am really good at reading and scientology... Help me, Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft!" And, no, he hasn't seen Talladega Nights, just the preview.

We've been watching 'Fetch! With Ruff Ruffman' at our house. We love it. We only watch PBS on weekdays, and I actually don't get too many complaints. My kids cried when they found out that 'ZOOM' was cancelled. 'Fetch!' helps fill that void. I especially love 'Fetch!' because Ruff calls the kids "fetchers." Fetchers!

I was pretty sure I had West Nile Virus, but it turned out to just be a headache caused by trail mix withdrawal. I might need methadone to get through it.

Little Miss is getting bossier by the second. Yesterday, something fell out of the refridgerator after my husband had opened it. She said, "Daddy, you are responsible for that." Good vocabulary, though!

My new nickname for the charter school in my town, Legacy Poop, is really starting to catch on. DaltonGirl was there when I thought that one up! Hahaha! Almost as funny as 'Fetchers!'

Okay - that's all I got. Just know I'm trying to entertain. I'm not a slacker. I am doing the work.

The Single Life

2006-08-08T06:20:00.000-07:00

My husband is currently on some thing called "High Adventure." There's no marijuana involved, as far as I know, but there are canoes (including our 17' Old Town Discovery - yeah, I'm bragging. Do you have canoe envy, yet?). So, I'm living the single life. La Vida Loca. I have a few observations.

Trail Mix is a food group. Yum.
That healthy eating thing? What? Oh, yeah. Out the window. Because a single mom with 3 kids needs a Coke sometimes. And lots of Trail Mix.
Being single was more fun BEFORE I had 3 kids.
Double Bed - a little too small when husband is home - way too big when he is gone.
My kids love Hot Pockets so much that I may never have to cook again.
Jodi Picoult is riveting. I read until after midnight.
I love the RedBox - I have a copy of She's The Man in my purse for later - Don't judge. I was a teenager once (okay, like in the '80s, but STILL) and at least I am not torturing my husband with it.
My house is cleaner than usual. I did 3 loads of laundry (including my sheets), two bathrooms, the dishes, and I'm going up to finish the kitchen floor before my PTA meeting this morning.
I've got pretty good kids.
So, basically, without my husband, I'm like a speed freak, never sleeping, reading really fast and cleaning things.
Life is better when he's here.

Enough is Enough!

2006-08-03T08:03:00.000-07:00

In my attempts over the last 7 months of friendship to make DaltonGirl crazy, I have made myself chubby. This past week has been particularly bad. I am feeling barfy, tired and have a constant headache. Most of that is because of my family reunion, but some must be attributed to my unhealthful diet and lack of exercise - all in an attempt to make DG insaner (or is that 'more insane'?). I know the first step to recovery is to acknowledge the problem, but it is so much easier to blame it on DG. It actually has nothing to do with her. Butt, enough is enough. I am now joining a modified Oprah's BootCamp (modified, because HELLO - who wants to work out EIGHT TIMES A WEEK???) Here is my pledge:

1. I will consume 60 ounces of water daily
2. I will exercise aerobically at least 30 minutes a day, 4 days a week
3. I will exercise anaerobically 20 minutes a day twice a week
4. I will not eat after 7:30 PM
5. I will balance carbs with proteins, and avoid simple carbs
6. I will eat to provide nutrition to my body (including 2 servings of dairy a day, 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day, and I will meet the daily recommendation of fiber). I will take a multi-vitamin
7. I will count Weight Watcher points, and allow 20 points daily with a weekly flex allowance of 35
8. I will not consume caffeine, because I really thought my heart was going to explode yesterday - and that is not fun

No, this blog isn't going to become all about THIS, but I'll give updates every two weeks. Please feel free to either join my bootcamp, or to make suggestions on healthful living. Just no using of the word Schwartzbein.

Let's Make DaltonGirl CRAZY!

2006-07-31T12:21:00.000-07:00

I love to make DaltonGirl crazy by telling her what I eat. She pretends not to be riled up by my choices, but I think, deep down, she is. So, in the spirit of friendly competition, let's all post here after we eat somthing EXTRA un-healthful, like the time I went to Hires Big H and had a bacon cheese-burger, chili-cheese fries and a large Diet Coke. MMMMMmmmmmm. Or the fact that I just ate Panda Express with a 44 oz Mountain Dew (not diet) and then ate 9 mini-candy bars. Super YUM!!!

So, join in the fun. And please, no wagering.

Pulling me back in...

2006-07-29T12:07:00.000-07:00

A year or so ago, I had an experience that changed me. I saw myself in a new light. I have always been outspoken. I usually don't shy away from supporting what I think is good, and I'm pretty much always ready for a fight. This makes me not so much fun at family gatherings (because, HELLO, my brothers are all psycho-Sean-Hannity-lovers). But two years ago, I read about Mayor Rocky Anderson holding a press conference/rally to protect open space on the bench above Salt Lake City. And I realized the open space he wanted to protect wasn't the last section of land by Ensign Peak that hadn't been developed yet, because, there isn't much left. What he wanted to protect was land owned by my little city, North Salt Lake. His attitude was to let the developers continue to destroy the hillside above Salt Lake City, because, hey, Utah is a right-to-build state, and it's pretty hard to tell developers 'no way.' But what he could do was take advantage of the little city to the North, and look like an environmentalist at the same time. Forget the fact that North Salt Lake has it's own Mayor, City Council and Planning Commission (of which I am a member). In his All-Knowing-Rockyness, he could tell us what we should do. So, I went to the press conference. My mayor and my friend Len were there. Then a bus pulled up, and a bunch of people got off. As they exited, they were each handed a sign made for them by the administration. Rocky turned to the cameras and looked like he had a ton of support. Of all the people at the press conference, only 4 of us had been to the land in question. Rocky had been there - my mayor took him. He then proceeded to declare a condemnation order on the land owned by NSL - all the while, people around him are holding signs that say "Protect Our Open-Space." I actually approched one and said that they weren't actually talking about their open space, they were talking about MY open space, and that we had a plan to protect it. Finally, I pulled a David Banner. I got mad. I took my friend's sign and stood next to Mayor Anderson. I heckled him during his speech. My friend Amanda called me to ask if I was there - she heard me on KSL. I waved my sign. I ended up on page B1 of the SLTrib. And I realized that I was right, but I wasn't a lady. Sure, for 15 minutes, I out-Rockied Rocky, but is that really something to be proud of? I felt like a MORON. And then I got over it. I was relieved when I discovered that other things came up first when my name is googled. And life continued to be sweet - Mayor Anderson even announced that he is not running for a third term.

So, this morning, my neighbor comes over and starts calling me a bully. He tells my husband not to make me mad (always good advice, but why now?). It seems that the photo editor at the SLTrib decided to reprint my picture for the end-of-the- road retrospective on Rocky. So, again, I am reminded that it is important to always be kind and respectful. The consequences are long lasting.

My Serious Side

2006-07-25T16:24:00.000-07:00

I have a new blog that discusses education policy. It is creatively titled Education in Utah. I know, I'm good. I started it because one day, I was on the phone with DaltonGirl and I was all fired up! I couldn't stop talking about boring things - and thay all had to do with public education. So, it is my passion, and it is a little boring to other people, but feel free to check it out.

Little Miss Primary Song Composer

2006-07-23T17:57:00.000-07:00

Little Miss, who turns 4 on Friday, has written a Primary song in celebration of our pioneer heritage. Today, she taught it to me, Elmo, her Cabbage Patch Kid and Teddy. This is it...

We wanna be a sunbean, a sunbean, a sunbean.
We wanna be a sunbean.
The people walked and walked and walked and walked.
The people walked and walked.
They got catched by a whale, a whale, a whale.
They got catched by a whale.
The whale spit them out.
They got catched by another whale, another whale, another whale
they got catched by another whale.
The whale didn't spit them out this time, didn't spit them out this time, didn't spit them out this time.
So they prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed.
They prayed and prayed and prayed.
Then the whale's babies spit them out this time, spit them out this time, spit them out this time.
They landed on the sand.
And that's how you be a family.
Please repeat.

I have two thoughts about this - first, Senator Bob Bennett's dad got his start writing Primary songs, and then he got to be a senator AND the dad of a senator. So, she's got quite a career ahead of her. Second - Primary sounds like, although it is doctrinally challenged, it is much more fun than Relief Society. But I could have guessed that.

In the last 5 days...

2006-07-17T13:36:00.000-07:00

DaltonGirl has given me a wedgie (and I am NEVER forgiving her, no matter how many conference talks she quotes).

I may have accidentally forgotten to flush, causing an international incident.

I was not named Miss Congeniality. It wasn't even close. It may have been because of the whole flushing thing. Who can tell?

It was discovered and widely reported that I have a swearing problem, when really I didn't say anything you can't find in the Bible (well, that one swear is in the Bible, just not with dumb in front of it). And Miss Congeniality said the "S" word 18,000 times while telling her story about the accidental Ambien overdose. And she still gets to be Miss Congeniality AND I DON'T...AND IT'S NOT FAIR!

I found I can function well with only 2 hours of sleep (but my feelings are much more tender. So is my butt, but that is DaltonGirl's fault - 100%).

I found that when someone wants you to report on your goals, they really want you to report on what they think your goals should be.

I realized that I hate control freaks. Unless they're me. And there are two sides to every story, but I still think my side is right. So there.

I was a really good mom for 4 hours straight - a new record. And I learned that you should regularly tell your kids what you like about them. Because, really, who doesn't love THAT?

I realized that someone I thought was a mean grumpypants who hated me was a really wonderful person who likes me, a lot, and just has a grumpypants face. Which is unfortunate, but now I know the truth, and I feel bad for not loving her all this time - and yet, the ironicalistic* thing is that she still likes me.

I ate one ton of trail mix, and an entire pack of gum in one sitting.

I had at least one epiphany, but I've forgotten it. Darn that lack of sleep!

I found a website that says I am good looking, and discusses the possibility of me suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. Neat, neat fun.

I was reminded that I have a great big beautiful group of friends - comrades at arms, really - that I love serving with. I am very lucky.

I was also reminded that my husband is a saint. I'm not kidding. I am very very lucky. (And he's hot, too).

I realized I love what I do, and I'm good at it. So, let's get it started!

When things get tough...

2006-07-11T19:11:00.000-07:00

I like to remember that at least the monkeys love me.

The Real Faux Paw

2006-07-11T14:33:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of then-Governor Leavitt with his office cat, the real Faux Paw. Apparently, Faux Paw has grown up, gotten animated and started teaching kids how to be safe on the internet. Good work, buddy!

Why I am no longer allowed in the bait shop

2006-07-11T10:46:00.000-07:00

I think that is a pretty good title! What follows, however, is more boring trust lands stuff. I have promised a top ten (okay - top six) list of comments from my hate mail. I will not edit them, or even attempt to explain them, just know that I have the trout-loving community up in arms, and they have responded with class and style.

From Chris T.:
According to the Utah PTA then, the only value that we should teach our children is to do things for money and our own interests.

Do you know anything?

I am really surprised that you would write this response with out researching the facts other than just to “Kiss Up” to SITLA and the money that might go to the schools.

From Lonnie:
To think that is the Real concern, shows a lack of understand of the deeper issues here.

From John:
It would appear that you are no longer a true watch dog of SITLA for the children of Utah, and that instead you would prefer to be "one of the boys" with the SITLA board of directors.

I would hope that your PTA leadership could find a representative with a bit more backbone than you seem willing to display.

For the record, I have responded like a lady, politely pointing out that SITLA has a fiduciary responsibility to the trust and that the law requires them to put the fiscal needs of the school children first. I did tell John that no one has ever questioned my backbone before. After reading five paragraphs on the intricacies of the state code and the Utah Supreme Court's opinion on a similar case, he was probably convinced that I do, in fact, have enough backbone to try and bore him to death.

If I get any more fiery ones, I'll let you know.

Tooting My Own Horn

2006-07-09T20:09:00.000-07:00

Hurry and look - the link's only good for 14 days!

Nat Gets Published

I know - normal people don't get too excited about trust lands, but still...kinda cool!

Take a Bite Outa Crime. Grrrr.

2006-07-06T15:33:00.000-07:00

This picture of some of my friends with various first ladies of the great state of Utah and McGruff, the Crime Dog AND Faux Paw the Internet Safety Cat makes me happy. I'm not 100% sure why. But I saw it and wanted to share the joy. Chat amongst yourselves.

The Joy of Motherhood

2006-07-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

Just now, I was sitting here writing a post about Little Miss and her gymnastics obsession. The kiddos are watching Dragon Tales (mean mom won't let them watch anything but PBS Kids during the week). We folded laundry Saturday night, but didn't actually put it away, so the kids decided to get dressed while they were watching TV. Except for Junior, who is going to try and trick me into letting him wear the clothes he put on after church yesterday and then slept in. So, Little Miss walks up to me, pulls down her pants and then says, "Look, mom! I'm wearing my crazy underwear today." I'm not quite sure what makes the red ones with the white design crazy, but I have decided that this is much better than the other post, any day, hands down (but pants up, please).

Some Enchanted Evening

2006-06-29T07:33:00.000-07:00

Last night at 9:30, my husband was home from his meetings, my kids were in bed and two of them were actually asleep -- Junior was having one of my favorite summer experiences, reading 'Peter and the Starcatchers' under the covers. I was on my way to our neighborhood grocery store for some ice cream. Bear Claw. Mmmmmm. I walked out of my house, which was a little too chilly with the a/c going, and was enveloped in the warm summer night. I could hear sprinklers going, and smell the slightly damp grassy scent of June. I could see bright stars shining in the sky. I turned off the a/c in the car and rolled down the window. I purposely didn't turn the radio on. The joyous smell of strawberries, $6.99 a flat, greeted me at the store, and I saw a dad and his cub-scout-shirt-wearing son picking out which bag of cherries was best. After I paid for the ice cream, I drove home slowly, taking in all the sights and sounds of summer. I was happy. Happy that my family is together, healthy, and has more good times than bad. Happy that my sweet husband has a job he loves and is good at. Happy that we have a home and can provide for our needs, and a lot of our wants. Our lawn is mostly green, our flowers are blooming, and our vegetables are growing. Joy. I felt loved and embraced by a loving Heavenly Father who knows who I am and wants me to be happy. Life is good. Not always, but a lot of the time. My challenge is to celebrate the times when it is. Not always easy, but when I do, I am even more abundantly blessed.

My Foray into Serious Blogging

2006-06-27T18:09:00.000-07:00

My friend Tyler has a blog. He is an ultra-mega-super-conservative guy in my neighborhood, and he blogs on local politics. Even though we don't usually agree (I am a metric ton more moderate), I think he and his wife are two of the nicest, smartest people I know. This has been difficult for me because I have had a hard time vilifying them for their beliefs. I'm usually pretty good at that. (This is the point where people type "J/K" or make asinine little sideways smiley-faces. That's not my style - I'm not serious - if you can't tell, then...well...so what).

I found out about Tyler's blog in a funny way. Last fall, I was helping our mayor in his re-election campaign. He needed a lot of help, because he works in the LDS Church's Temporal Affairs Department, and he was spending a lot of time out of state dealing with the effects of Hurricane Katrina. I am friends with the man who was opposing the mayor - he and I served together on our city's trails committee. One day the mayor's opponent, whom I'll call Juan, because that is his name, called me on the phone - he was livid! Someone was blogging about HIM and his webpage, which commented on the mayor's lack of a webpage, and some felt did not accurately portray the truth. So I googled him and found my friend Tyler was the offending blogger. Strange coincidence. Since then, I have been an active participant on the blog. But not as NatGo, because I am a little silly over here, and I want all the Davis County politicos to think I'm serious and dependable.

So, Tyler's wife, Erin, had a baby today, and he's asked me and my friend to be guest-hosts of his blog while he bonds with the new one. But it turns out that all my serious Natalieness is undone, because my guest-hostedness is as NatGo. So instead of being Katie Couric, taking over for Bob Schaeffer (is that his name? I can't believe I don't know his name, because he was so much better than the suckfest that was Dan Rather), I am Jack Hanna to Tyler's Letterman.

Whatever. Any minute now, monkeys are going to pull off my really bad toupe. It's not easy being Jack Hanna.

So, check us out if you want.

My Vacation

2006-06-14T07:56:00.000-07:00

I recently returned from a 13 day trip to Southern California. Nothing too exciting happened. We went to Disneyland and California Adventure. Little Miss met every single princess on both the A-list (Cinderella, Snow White, Aurora, Ariel) and B-list (Jasmine, Pocahontas, Mulan) except the elusive and mysterious Belle. I got a scary disease that included sore throat, fever, body aches, swollen glands and, for a delightful 18 hours (thankfully after Disney), intense eye drainage accompanied by facial swelling. I was like the freaking elephant man. Nice. I'd like to thank the lovely nurses at the Disneyland First Aid center, conveniently located on Main Street, who gave me two Advil, 4 cough drops, and let me nap on their cot. Even with my mysterious illness, I had a fabulous time in the happiest place on earth.

We spent a week at a beachhouse in Carlsbad (California, not New Mexico, as there are no beaches in New Mexico. BTW, here's a shoutout to my sister who told me not to miss Carlsbad Caverns.) We hung out on the beach, where my entire family got toasty sunburns - we're like Quiznos! Junior is convinced that he's already got cancer. We told him to wait 25 years before he worries. We went to Sea World and I got to feed dolphins and see the cheesy new Shamu show. We went to see Cars on opening day, but I missed the ending because I had to go to the bathroom (probably because of the ginormous amounts of antibiotics coursing through my system, but I'm not sure). We paid to pick our own strawberries and went to In and Out Burger. I got to meet my new niece, who is beautiful and delightful. All in all, it was a wonderful trip.

I am happy to be back, living my life and sleeping in my own bed. Be it ever so humble, there is no place like home.

No Soliciting (except if it's really late at night and you're high on meth)

2006-05-11T19:44:00.000-07:00

I posted this as a reponse to a fiery letter from Stupidramblings. But I thought it was interesting enough to be on my blog, too, so here is what happened to me yesterday. No trees were killed in the posting of this entry.

I have a lovely 'No Soliciting' sign made with a sharpie on a 3'x5' card - I usually have to make a new one when I see the evil solicitors soliciting evil in my neighborhood, because it embarasses my husband, and he sometimes takes it down and throws it away. But, yesterday, it was on, and still, at 9:57 PM, we get a knock on the door from a skanky girl totally strung out on meth trying to get us to buy carpet cleaning THAT NIGHT - because they're in our neighborhood and she needs more points to win the trip to Vegas, where she can hang out with other evil solicitors and do meth. So, I conveniently lie and say that we only have hardwoods, and she says her carpet cleaner cleans those, too, and she needs one more tonight, and I know she'e thinking about the meth, not the all purpose floor cleaning machine, so I'm starting to get worried that this is really a home invasion robbery, and all the kids are awake, peeking at the meth-addict solicitor skank, and finally we say "No, thanks," and close the door on her and then lock it. And the deadbolt, too, because you can never be too safe. And I hate her. And Jesus loves her and probably would have invited her in, and tried to get her off meth and help her find a real job where thay pay in cash, not a mixture of narcotics and points toward a trip to Vegas, but I just locked the door and fumed at the STUPIDITY. Then I calmed down, made some Lemon Zinger, and went to bed. One more reason I'm going to Hell, which will be populated with me and a lot of solicitors.

Can you help me? I'm BENT!

2006-05-03T11:43:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me know that I am a pretty happy, optimistic person. The words bubbly, cute, silly and fun usually apply to me. But today I am totally pissy! Yes, I am! And I have created a list of:

REASONS THAT I AM ALL BENT!

1. Potty trained three-years-and-10-months old daughter suddenly thinks the use of the toilet is optional. This is not a random go-in-the-backyard kind of thing, but a 4 or 5 time a week needs-an-emergency-bath kind of thing. Eww.

2. My fridge smells bad. Real bad. (But on a positive note, I guarantee that above mentioned potty-impaired daughter had nothing to do with it)

3. Last night, I made an impassioned speech to my fellow commission members, being empowered, brilliant and 100% right, and no one changed their mind. Nope. No one. I was the lone wolf. And I think they think I'm shrill and witchy instead of brilliant. What is up with that?

4. My gas light has been on for two days, and direct deposit doesn't make it in until tomorrow. MUST...NOT...USE...CREDIT..CARD...HOLD ON!!!

5. Fake nails growing out -- make me look leperous.

6. 2006 may not really be the year of the moderates, and I fear that the ultra-conservatives will continue to rule and reign. I actually read a debate about whether public education should exist. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE, AND WHY ARE THEY BREATHING MY AIR?

7. My cute 7 year old, who has a rage thing going on (I secretly call him Mr Furious) displayed his anger control problem in front a new friend of mine, who may have gossip-like tendencies, who hung out on my lawn for an hour yesterday while I was supposed to be doing laundry, saying things like, "Wow, I had no idea he was so angry..."

8. I fear my laundry is breeding like rabbits, and it's starting to smell weird (see #1 and #7).

9. Just realized that I have had The Corpse Bride from the RedBox for approximately one hundred days. This may be the reason there is little money in the checking account.

AND....
10. Two-and-a-half words: Scout-O-Rama.

So, I am now actually feeling a little better, and may actually post a follow-up 'Reasons to be Happy' list in a few days. Thanks, blog that no one reads, for letting me vent.

Chutes and Ladders

2006-04-07T08:40:00.000-07:00

I want to inform you from the onset that this is not a philosophical post, and that there will be no analogies to how life is like the game of Chutes and Ladders. If that is what you are looking for, find another blog. What you have found is the ranting of a really sore loser. Yes. I just lost a marathon game of Chutes and Ladders. Little Miss was the early leader, mowing the lawn so she could climb the ladder to the circus, eating her vegetables so she could grow tall, and then rescuing the cat from the tree so she could climb the GIANT ladder to the square where she is adored by the said cat. I was the tortoise in this game, slowly making my way to the top by avoiding chutes AND ladders. So it was a great surprise when I found myself planting flowers, climbing a moderate sized ladder toward the top, where I was elegantly arranging them in a vase. A few spins later, I am on square 99, just one spin from the winner's circle. Little Miss has pulled the cat's tail, and is in the depths of despair, somewhere in the 70s. I spin, get a 5, and am THE WINNER! Or not. Because Little Miss, in her know-it-all voice that she inherited from yours truly, informs me that I must get a 1 to win. I check the rules and find she is right. What kind of sadistic game company thinks it needs to PROLONG an interminable game like Chutes and Ladders by making an exact-number-to-win rule? DARN THEM!!! DARN THEM TO HECK, I SAY!!! So, I am patiently (and then not so patiently) spinning for the needed 1. Little Miss pulls the cat's tail again. And again. And again. Down the chute. Down. Down. Down. I use my 7th grade math skills to realize that the laws of probability have no influence in my life as I wait for that 1. Then, Little Miss, the unrepentant cat-tail-puller, lands on square 80, wins the pet show, and climbs the ladder to the winner's circle and I LOST! What is WITH this game? Like someone who repeatedly PULLS A CAT'S TAIL is then going to WIN THE FREAKING PET SHOW? What is this teaching Little Miss, huh? That you don't have to be kind to pets? That you can use them for your own purposes, like chattel? That you can abuse them by constantly pulling their tails, and they will still be all nice and pretty at the pet show, bringing you glory and praise? Huh? WHAT IS THIS TEACHING HER? Besides the fact that Mommy is scary and a sore loser, I mean. But she probably already knew that.

Jesse was a friend...

2006-03-17T14:39:00.000-07:00

I am flipping channels on the ol' TV because my kids have gone outside to play Hide From Little Miss, a classic game for the ages. I stop on General Hospital, which I haven't watched since the '80s (my mom got me addicted when I was in elementary school - which explains my exemplary moral fibre). So I see Little Robin Scorpio, but she is a doctor now. Does your doctor wear a tight sweater with a black bra underneath? Yeah, mine doesn't either, but I'm glad, because if he did, that'd REALLY freak me out. So then I see Bobbie and Dr. Noah Drake on the roof. YES! Dr. Noah Drake = '80s HeartThrob Rick Springfield. I LOVE HIM!!! Man, he has aged well. I love Jesse's Girl and that other song he sang. Also, I loved Jack Waggoner, another GH alumni, but I don't remember any of his songs, just that he sang them to his TV/real life wife Felicia. I so wanted to BE her. She was married to a total hottie, had cute kids, and she was a spy. Talk about your multi-tasker. And John Stamos. BLACKEY! I LOVE HIM, TOO!!! WHOO WHOO. Those were the days, my friend! Okay, so, I am flipping back to It's a Big, Big World. This show freaks me out. I guess I don't appreciate big scary puppets with fake English accents that just spend all their time being NICE to each other -- like life in the wild is anything like that! My kids need to know what the real world is like! Maybe I should let the kids watch GH? Okay, probably not, but I'm tempted.

The Roots of My Crazy Obsession

2006-03-15T19:37:00.000-07:00

I am hanging out in the basement watching Schoolhouse Rock with my kids, and I want to offer you a precious insight into my soul. You see, I am obsessed with government, mostly state and local government, because I feel like I can have more of an impact. It's what I do -- I serve on committees and commissions -- I manage campaigns -- I lobby -- AND, this year I even WROTE A BILL. And it all started with Bill. You see, he's just a bill, and he's sitting there on Capitol Hill. And I FEEL for him -- I'm afraid he's going to get stuck in committee (which I can personally testify is a BAD BAD thing). Or he's going to get passed (finally. HELLO!) and then have to wait in the long line for the president to sign him (HURRY UP, Mr. Governor!). But someday, he's gonna be a law, Oh, I hope and pray that he will, but until, he is still just a bill. So by allowing me to sit in front of cartoons for endless Saturday mornings, my mom shaped my destiny, and now the destiny of my children (except for Little Miss, who would rather play with the money she stole from her brother's wallet. I am concerned about her destiny, but that is another post). So, that is an insight into my soul.

I've got some SKILLS, my friends!

2006-03-14T22:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, as a rookie blogger, I am pleased to announce that not only do I now have an adorable picture next to my comments, but I also figured out how to put links on the side of my blog, AND THEY WORK! The only computer class I ever took was in 6th grade, and all we did was write programs to make our names scroll across the screen of the TRS-80 (available at RadioShack) and then save our programs on a cassette tape. I love being a child of the '80s! Now, I will try and put a link INTO a post. Check this out! To see information about my family's (siblings, not husband and wee ones) favorite movie, click here .

KELLY!

2006-03-08T19:32:00.000-07:00

This is my desperate attempt to learn how to get a picture by my name when I post. FYI, I look much more like Kelly than DaltonGirl looks like a little white dog.

Lead me, guide me...

2006-03-08T14:33:00.000-07:00

When I was in college, there was this adorable man named Scott. He was totally cute and brainy - just my type (it was not until later that I learned that the definition of my type should also include 'knows that I'm alive,' but I digress). So, at the singles ward/beauty pageant one Sunday, I sat right in front of him, hoping he would notice me (cute plaid mini-skirt, white tights and patent leather shoes. I thought I was hot, when I actually looked like Barbie's little sister Kelly). During the opening song, I Am a Child of God, he is singing, "Lead me, Guide me, Chaka Kahn me, Help me find the way." Needless to say, I spent the next hour and five minutes giggling and planning our wedding. My never ending love for him lasted about a week, but forever I will think of him when I hear a Chaka Kahn song.

Little Miss Panic Attack

2006-03-02T21:04:00.000-07:00

In my quest to become volunteer of the year at my elementary school, I worked my magic and scheduled UEA's Cat in the Hat to come for Dr. Seuss Night. While others were wearing silly costumes (Thing One and Thing Two looked GREAT) and sweating and working to make sure all 450 people in attendance were in the right place, having a good time, being read to by a celebrity and getting ice cream and a free bookmark, my entire job consisted of standing near a 7 1/2 foot tall cat. That's it. I was the Cat's escort (that sounds dirty, but it's not). My husband had a meeting, so I was also in charge of my three kids - Junior (4th grade), Trey (1st grade) and Little Miss (3 1/2). This was set to be the easiest night of my life -- put them in the activity room, have them get read to by a celebrity, and stand next to a cat.

So, the kiddos and I meet the adorable young lady who wears the costume as she is putting it on, and we have a nice conversation. Then we go out and wait for the cat to come out. While we are waiting, Little Miss is having a lovely chat with the mayor. "It's not really a giant cat. It is a girl in a costume. I was Cinderella for Halloween." She is one of his most trusted advisors.

Then, the fabulous Cat in the Hat makes it's appearance. It is amazing in it's gigantic, stripey-hatted splendor. We are all awestruck. Well, almost all of us are awestruck -- Little Miss sees the Cat, and in super-slow-mo shrieks in terror, runs to me, and has to be taken to the Vice Principal's office to calm down. Wails of terror are heard emanating from the VP office for 20 minutes. Junior is so embarrassed that he begs me to take him home. I spent the rest of the night making sure that Little Miss and the Cat were never in the same place at the same time. So, not only was I hindered in my ability to escort the cat, I'm pretty sure DCFS received a dozen calls from concerned parents. Probably not going to get that Volunteer of the Year award. Or Mother of the Year, either.

I better go upstairs and clean the toilets before DCFS shows up.

Wish me luck.

Whatever Lola wants...

2006-02-27T08:50:00.000-07:00

I just tagged the fun lovin' tweenage drama queen, Lola, so let's all sit back and see what happens next.

Also, I must know, is there a Damn Yankees thing going on with her name? Or am I the only one that gets the obscure musical theater reference?

Tag! I'm it!!!

2006-02-26T21:20:00.000-07:00

My adorable real-life and cyber-friend, DaltonGirl, tagged me. I was delighted to learn more about DaltonGirl, and, although I am tentative to post this, because I'm a rookie, and I'm still not sure how this works, HERE GOES!!!

Four Jobs I've Had
1. Donut Salesman at Dunkin' Donuts - I got fired.
2. Legislative Intern for the Governor of Arizona (not the one that was impeached - the one that was indicted on extortion charges but later pardoned by President Clinton).
3. BYU Police/Traffic Office (I sold permits and took money for tickets. My husband was a traffic cop - lovingly referred to as a Bike Nazi).
4. Receptionist/Teller/Head Teller/Customer Service Representative/Loan Officer at Zions Bank. I was movin' on up to the deluxe apartment in the sky, my friend. This was how we paid for my husband to go to law school. I quit the day he passed the bar.

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over Again
1. While You Were Sleeping
2. Pride and Prejudice (Colin Firth is Mr. Darcy)
3. Emma ("Try not to kill my dogs.")
4. Lord of the Rings Trilogy (should count as 3, but I'm counting it as one big 10 hour Frodopalooza).

Four Places I've Lived
1. San Fernando Valley, CA
2. Prescott, AZ
3. Provo, UT (dorms, Raintree, and attic apartment in the Nostradamus house. Beware the swarm of bees.)
4. Salt Lake City Metropolitan Area (Sugarhouse, Murray, Capitol Hill and now south Davis County)

Four TV Shows I Love
1. Gilmore Girls
2. Friends
3. 24
4. Veronica Mars (I am watching the first season on DVD right now -- I won't watch new episodes until I get caught up. I am really anal, and have to watch them in order.)

Four Highly Regarded and Recommended TV Shows That I've Never Watched a Full Episode of
1. X-files
2. Desperate Housewives
3. Sex and the City/The Sopranos (I refuse to pay more than the $15/month I pay for cable, which I pay gladly to get 2 PBS channels.)
4. The Apprentice

Four Places I've Vacationed
1. Disneyland (Don't get me started -- I'm addicted)
2. Santa Fe, New Mexico. We went to Bandolier National Monument - AMAZING.
3. Boston. The Best Vacation Ever! Just my husband and me, doin' the Freedom Trail and riding the Green Line.
4. Yellowstone -- and I am a woman of steel, tent camping in below freezing weather.

Four of My Favorite Dishes
1. Frito Casserole (chili, tamales, corn, ground beef and onion with fritos on top)
2. Carnitas platter at the Rio Grande -- corn tortillas, not flour
3. Chips with Queso Sauce at Chili's
4. Bacon Cheeseburger combo (no dressing or lettuce) at any burger joint run by restauranteurs of Greek heritage (Yanni's, Burgers Supreme, Apollo Burger, Atlantis Burger). No fry sauce - just ketchup.

Four Sites I Visit Daily
1. Utah Legislature (but only 'til Wednesday, baby!)
2. daltongirl's blog
3. imdb.com
4. Utah Public Policy Daily

Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now
1. bed
2. San Diego
3. Disneyland (just can't wait 'til June)
4. did I already say bed?

Four Bloggers I'm Tagging
Okay, this is where I admit how lame I am. I only know two bloggers, and one of them, daltongirl, tagged me, so I can only tag one, but I'm reserving the right to tag three more later.
1. Desperate Working Momma

So, that's me. Let me know if you read this, and if you have any more questions. I'm totally into disclosure, baby.

Welcome to my Blog

2006-02-16T09:06:00.000-07:00

My friend, daltongirl, has a blog that I just discovered this morning. She told a funny story that I just had to respond to, and the only way I could was by creating my own blog. As I am one of the dreadful people that did not laugh at her TGIFridays joke last week, I had to respond today -- even if it means creating my own blog. So, where will this go? I don't know. But you're welcome along for the ride.