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Thursday, May 11, 2006

No Soliciting (except if it's really late at night and you're high on meth)

I posted this as a reponse to a fiery letter from Stupidramblings. But I thought it was interesting enough to be on my blog, too, so here is what happened to me yesterday. No trees were killed in the posting of this entry.

I have a lovely 'No Soliciting' sign made with a sharpie on a 3'x5' card - I usually have to make a new one when I see the evil solicitors soliciting evil in my neighborhood, because it embarasses my husband, and he sometimes takes it down and throws it away. But, yesterday, it was on, and still, at 9:57 PM, we get a knock on the door from a skanky girl totally strung out on meth trying to get us to buy carpet cleaning THAT NIGHT - because they're in our neighborhood and she needs more points to win the trip to Vegas, where she can hang out with other evil solicitors and do meth. So, I conveniently lie and say that we only have hardwoods, and she says her carpet cleaner cleans those, too, and she needs one more tonight, and I know she'e thinking about the meth, not the all purpose floor cleaning machine, so I'm starting to get worried that this is really a home invasion robbery, and all the kids are awake, peeking at the meth-addict solicitor skank, and finally we say "No, thanks," and close the door on her and then lock it. And the deadbolt, too, because you can never be too safe. And I hate her. And Jesus loves her and probably would have invited her in, and tried to get her off meth and help her find a real job where thay pay in cash, not a mixture of narcotics and points toward a trip to Vegas, but I just locked the door and fumed at the STUPIDITY. Then I calmed down, made some Lemon Zinger, and went to bed. One more reason I'm going to Hell, which will be populated with me and a lot of solicitors.

9 Comments:

At 7:41 AM, Blogger Stupidramblings said...

Bear traps are also ways you can get rid of the solicitors...

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger Stupidramblings said...

(The comment I posted to your response on my blog:) Because we all know that when they give incentives for good work, they complete the sales period on the 11th of the month.

 
At 4:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's see . . . a skank knocking on your door (with a “no soliciting” sign clearly posted), its dark, and they want to clean your wood floor with a carpet cleaner. Maybe I am funny, but how does one think they can ignore your sign, go from rug cleaning to wood floor cleaning, at that hour of the night, and actually expect you would trust them to come into your home? (Of course they will schedule your cleaning to take place while you are at a PTA meeting – just leave the key under the doormat.)

I think this person worked for the Liberty Tax Service from January to April, standing on a street corner, wearing a Statue of Liberty costume, dancing to music only she can hear, waving a sign. While I can not be certain, I would bet that Liberty pays in Meth too - what else would motivate that behavior?

You should get the home phone and street address of Meth-Girl, Sales Associate and get back to her at your leisure, like maybe during a Rave, with Police Escort and inquire about their city license and insurance coverage before you make up your mind about the cleaning.

 
At 5:06 PM, Blogger Th. said...

.

Hell sounds worse for you than them. You get no respite and they get one last chance....

 
At 8:05 AM, Blogger NatGo said...

To Stupid: Bear trap - very interesting. Must go to REI right now. Or do you get those at the Army-Navy Surplus Store? Will ask SuperDell - he'll know.

To AnonaDave, CPA: You should just be glad that those who choose their tax preparer by who has the best dancing on the corner in a ridiculous outfit didn't know you 25 years ago. HAHAHA.

To th: Maybe in hell, I'll make them actually clean the place up! I'm pretty sure I'll be in trouble for bossing all the minons around. To prepare me for such an arduous task, can I be the King-pro-tem of the monkeys while they wait for you? That sounds kind of fun.

 
At 1:28 PM, Blogger Stupidramblings said...

This is your bitter friend, Stupid.

To find out what this means, please visit me here.

 
At 9:42 PM, Blogger Cicada said...

Do you count Stupid's comment on your blog as a solicitation? I do.

 
At 8:45 PM, Blogger NatGo said...

Oh, my! Stupid has turned into a solicitor. Turn away from the dark side!

I just can't bring myself to hate him.

 
At 4:16 PM, Blogger Th. said...

.

I've been thinking about it and decided that would be just fine.

 

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