Hey! His investigation of my behavior is continuing!
I am sorry - I took November off, mostly because I am lazy, but partly because I am under investigation.
Yes, I am under investigation. A cloud of suspicion has followed me for over a month. It's just like that time they thought I was the Uni-bomber.
So, here's the story...
Being the psychotic political addict I am, I volunteered to work on the re-election campaign of my local representative to the State School Board. He is a great guy, and I think he's done a lot to strengthen our schools and he has always been kind to me, and listened to my thoughts on education. It was mostly a no-brainer that I would support this guy - the only reason I might not have was that his opponent was my sister's brother-in-law. Yeah, I realized that this might get messy, but really, I had no idea.
So, I jumped right in. I hosted a meeting for the incumbent, organized flyer drops, and helped gather endorsements. The whole time, my sister, whom I usually agree with, told me that her brother-in-law had some really good ideas, and that I should just give him a chance. I was invited to a neighborhood meeting, and went. While there, I was impressed by how smart he was, but I was really turned off by some of his ideas. I left the meeting realizing that the incumbent was really the best candidate, so I worked even harder.
As the election got closer, my friends and I realized that only a few of us had heard the challenger discuss one really disturbing idea - when anyone else asked, he skirted the issue. So, I wrote a letter to the editor, detailing what the challenger and I had discussed. It was published in two local papers.
The night of the election, I had parent-teacher conferences and a city planning-commission meeting. The school board election was a pretty hot topic. When I got home, a friend from the school had forwarded two emails he'd received the day before from the challenger, accusing the incumbent of trying to steal the election. In part, the challenger wrote:
(The Challenger) IS INVESTIGATING A NUMBER OF REPORTS OF IMPROPER CAMPAIGN PRACTICES BY THE (Incumbent's) CAMPAIGN INCLUDING REPORTS OF DIRTY TRICKS AND DECEPTIVE PRACTICES. PLEASE REVIEW THE INFORMATION BELOW. IF YOU HAVE KNOWLEDGE OF SUCH ACTS PLEASE SEND IT DIRECTLY TO (The Challenger at his email address).
Please send me the names and addresses of any person involved in what appear to be organized attempts to tamper with this state election. THANK YOU FOR YOUR INTEREST IN PROTECTING THE INTEGRITY OF UTAH ELECTIONS. As we predicted, a number of last minute election tricks are apparently afoot. We are working to expose these tactics one by one.
MY INVESTIGATION IS CONTINUING OF SEVERAL APPARENTLY FALSE AND DECEPTIVE TRICKS REPORTEDLY BEING USED TO SUBVERT THE ELECTION PROCESS.
WERE YOU DECEIVED BY FALSE CLAIMS OF CONVERSATIONS WITH (The Challenger)? In the past week, several individuals have falsely claimed to have had personal onversations with me or grossly misreported and distorted my views. I certainly hope no Utah voter is gullible enough to fall for such political tricks. My positions are quite public and well known and well documented on my website. Please send me the names and addresses of any person claiming such bogus personal conversations or grossly distorting conversations with me as I am investigating what appear to be organized attempts to tamper with this state election.
PLEASE SEND WHAT INFORMATION YOU MAY HAVE, IF ANY, ON THESE OR SIMILAR REPORTED PRACTICES OR DIRTY TRICKS. WHATEVER THE RESULT OF THE ELECTION TOMORROW, MY INVESTIGATION OF (The Incumbent's) CAMPAIGN PRACTICES WILL CONTINUE.
WHEN WILL UTAH TIRE OF BEING DECEIVED BY THESE PEOPLE? ISN'T IT TIME FOR CHANGE? WILL THIS ELECTION BE STOLEN BY SUCH METHODS?
So, I was definitely thinking "WHOA! Desperate Campaign Ploy. Sour Grapes!" But, then, while cleaning out my junk email folder, I found this:
My Investigation Of Your Behavior is Continuing
Nov. 4, 2006
I am gravely concerned that you apparently published a letter in the (Local Rag) containing false, deceptive, and misleading material. It is my opinion that you apparently distorted a global, abstract academic discussion about the legal parameters of (my big crazy idea that is so offensive to everyone that I refuse to speak of it publicly) on which I expressed NO OPINION REGARDING IMPLEMENTATION IN UTAH WHATSOEVER and fabricated it into a radical, irrational political statement. In sum, I find your behavior dishonest and offensive.
I expect a written apology from you within 24 hours. My investigation of your behavior is continuing.
Sincerely, The Challenger, who has a lot of letters after his name.
Although it is dated November 4th, he emailed it at 9:40 PM on November 5th. It's a good thing I didn't want to apologize to him within his 24 hour deadline, as it would have been nearly impossible.
In my defense, my letter to the editor contained direct quotes from the candidate. There was no distortion. Also, I'm not sure that meet-the-candidate nights are the best place for abstract academic discussions, especially in answer to the question, "What's your opinion on the big, crazy, offensive idea?" But whatever. The best part of this is that the day before the election, I received a postcard from the Support of the Big Crazy Idea Political Action Committee, letting me know that they support the challenger because of his position on the big, crazy, offensive idea. Yeah, nice, huh?
So, the election went off without a hitch. The incumbent won, beating the angry challenger 62% - 38%, despite being outspent by (my estimate) 450%. I have yet to hear how the investigation of my behavior is going. Part of me is tempted to email him and let him know all the people I talked to about him, and to remind him that my letter to the editor was published in BOTH local rags. I have two attorneys (only one of whom I am married to) who are willing to represent me.
SO, what would you do?